You know I thought that the passage of time would have a larger affect on a person that it really does. You’d think that the passage of a year would dull the pain of an event to a point that the actual date wouldn’t be so weird when it came around again. Not so. It seems that the strangeness factor of a particular date has to stick to a person’s psyche or subconscious for more than a single year.
On this day a year ago I was subject to the worst shock of my life. The man that I was dating turned out not to be the man that I thought he was. In fact it turned out that he was a liar in a way that I could not forgive him for. It turned out that he had been hiding the fact that he had a disease I will never understand. I will treat it like a disease because I don’t understand it. I get that sexuality is fluid and that a person can be attracted to different kinds of people, sexual preference is a think that is shared between two consenting adults.
Paedophilia crosses that line. This kind of ‘attraction’ confuses sexuality and an obsession with innocence. It violates the one thing that our society holds in high esteem: childhood. It’s taboo for a reason. This day a year ago launched me on one of the hardest journeys of my short life. Do I stay with the man I thought I loved, or do I give way to the taboos and rules of the society that I am part of and leave him to the workings of the government? I felt like the world was against me, and I felt like I had lost something very important to me if not a part of myself.
This is what I have been struggling to write about for months now. And this I fear will be the subject of many an entry here. It is a topic that is so taboo, that no one speaks of it, no one writes about it or the affects it has on the people who are close to those who are possessed by it. I have little compassion for those who succumb to it, but it is still present and frighteningly close to our very front doors. What do you do? What do we do about it? With it? I don’t have the answers, but I think we all need to know more about it since knowledge is the best weapon there is. This is another reason why I need to write about it. Not just to purge my demons.