I’ve been thinking about my weight. Now, usually I’m not too terribly worried about it, but lately, now that I have realised that I have gone up three sizes, I’ve been wondering why. I know part of it’s because I’m actually eating for a change rather than living off popcorn and carrots, but I think there’s some emotional linkage to it too. I didn’t want to be attractive in the way M preferred, I guess because it made me feel a little dirty. Somewhere in the back of my mind I knew this was the reason, but it just hit me when I saw a couple of other people in the food court today, a couple, and the guy looked how I think M wanted to look, and he had his hands all over this skinny chick he was with. I think it was the only reason he was attracted, was how she looked. He wasn’t paying attention to a single word she said. I think at some level M made an effort to listen, but I don’t think he had anyone else’s but his own needs in mind, or at least they overrode any intentions he had otherwise. But it comes back to the fact that he did find me attractive, in some manner that he found… others… and that disturbs me. I think that the extra poundage was a way to prove that I looked more like a woman, than a … girl. ‘Course, I suppose I could have done it with clothes, but I’m on a budget. (ok, sick humour there) Still, it’s kinda disturbing.

Anyway. I came home today to find out that the landlord wants us to get rid of two cats now. It’s been hard enough getting a new home for one. Never mind that there’s no way in the seven hells that she’s going to make me part with any more of my babies when they are getting along just fine. Clio seems to be ok right now too, but I still think she needs a better home, especially since there is a definite personality conflict between her and John, and at times her and the other cats. She still has sores on her neck. She needs to be top cat. I’ve said this before. I shut up about cats.

Then there’s this Lance thing, John’s ex-boss. Eeejit. If he screws up John’s career at his new job, I am going to be so bent, he won’t know what hit him. (Hopefully a really large truck) John is sore today. His back was out today so that he could barely straighten up. I wish I had a magic wand that could take pain away. And asshole ex-bosses.