A story about a dog with a marble for a brain.
“I used to bulls-eye womp-rats in my pants back home.” –Luke This one made me laugh so hard I had tears in my eyes…
This sounds little like my Amber…our Amber…
Hello, my name is Amber and I suffer from the guilt of not forwarding 50 billion fucking chain letters sent to me by people who actually believe that if you send them on, a poor 6-year-old girl in Arkansas with a breast on her forehead will be able to raise enough money to have it removed before her redneck parents sell her to a traveling freak show.
Do you honestly believe that Bill Gates is going to give you, and everyone to whom you send “his” email, $1000? How stupid are we?
“Ooooh, looky here! If I scroll down this page and make a wish, I’ll get laid by a model I just happen to run into the next day!”
What a bunch of bullshit.
Maybe the evil chain letter leprechauns will come into my house and sodomize me in my sleep for not continuing a chain letter that was started by Peter in 5 AD and brought to this country by midget pilgrims on the Mayflower.
If you’re going to forward something, at least send me something mildly amusing. I’ve seen all the “send this to 10 of your closest friends,and this poor, wretched excuse for a human being will somehow receive a nickel from some omniscient being” forwards about 90 times.
I don’t fucking care.
Show a little intelligence and think about what you’re actually contributing to by sending out these forwards. Chances are, it’s our own unpopularity. The point being? If you get some chain letter that’s threatening to leave you shagless or luckless for the rest of your life, delete it. If it’s funny, send it on.
Don’t piss people off by making them feel guilty about a leper in Botswana with no teeth who has been tied to the ass of a dead elephant for 27 years and whose only salvation is the 5 cents per letter he’ll receive if you forward this email.
Now forward this to everyone you know.
Otherwise, tomorrow morning your underwear will turn carnivorous and will consume your genitals. Have a nice day.
Oh boy this is rich… In case you need further proof that the human race is doomed because of stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.
On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (but that’s the only time I have to work on my hair!).
On a bag of Fritos: ..You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. details inside. (the shoplifter special)?
On a bar of Dial soap: “Directions: Use like regular soap.” (and that would be how???….)
On some Swanson frozen dinners: “Serving suggestion: Defrost.” (but, it’s just” a suggestion).
On Tesco’s Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): “Do not turn upside down. (well…duh, a bit late, huh)!
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:”Product will be hot after heating.” (.. and you thought????…)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron: “Do not iron clothes on body.” (but wouldn’t this save me more time?)
On Boot’s Children Cough Medicine:”Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication.” (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid: “Warning: May cause drowsiness.” (and…I’m taking this because???….)
On most brands of Christmas lights: “For indoor or outdoor use only.” (as opposed to…what?)
On a Japanese food processor: “Not to be used for the other use.” (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I’m a bit curious.)
On Sunsbury’s peanuts: “Warning: contains nuts.” (talk about a news flash)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts: “Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts ”
On a child’s superman costume: “Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.”
On a Swedish chainsaw:”Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals.” (….was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)