Epic Fail

Tags

hairpulling, little black raincloud, Neurotic Bunny, rant, teh suck, wtf

In the last year or so I can honestly say that I’ve let everything slide.

My relationships, my work, schooling, life in general. I had my head in the clouds, living in some other head space and as a result I’ve hurt people, neglected people, work and other stuff.

and in this evening’s news…

Tags

control freak, curiouser and curiouser, Neurotic Bunny, not a workoholic

So.

(I should really stop starting my posts with that word.)

I took the job.

I pondered it. I made the pro con list and waffled and worried and basically gave myself a stress-induced migraine, but I took it. I’d have to train, or help train my replacement anyway, so why not get paid for it?

Of course, today was a complete write-off because of said migraine and accompanying nasal hemorrhage. I did not get the things done I should have got done when I should have got them done. If that makes sense. And of course, because of that, the Whirlwind took the opportunity to tell me how crappily I was doing. That is one thing I will not miss.

Anyway. It’s going to be work – but it is temporary. There are things to do still, but I think the extra income might just allow me to get ahead. (Har.)

An update on the soup adventure. After sifting out the bones and drinking in the scent of soup J decided that it needed noodles. So he went down to the store but couldn’t find any noodles and so he brought home some black rice. In it went.

The soup turned purple.

Yes. Purple.

It smelled good, so I took a bowl but to this minute I can’t tell you what it tasted like. I kept having to taste it to see if it was ok. I ate the whole bowl that way. So. We have learned two things from this project. One: leave the veggies out until you’ve taken out the bones. and Two: No black rice.

Because I think it tastes like borscht. I think.

listening to: Synaesthesia – Andromedia
eating: steak
reading: Flesh and Spirit – Carol Berg
feeling: overwhelmed
headspace: ok, now where does this go?

how much reality can you take?

Tags

control freak, Neurotic Bunny, not a workoholic, obsess obsess obsess

So.

It has been an interesting week. Everything seems to happen at once – the balance shifts and leaves me scrabbling for purchase.

1) There is no doubt that the Kiddo will be coming to stay with us. However, it seems that no government department can operate without miles and miles of red tape and a whole obstacle course full of hoops and one of these hoops is in the form of a sheaf of papers we have been instructed to fill out. Among these is a questionnaire full of questions about our childhoods – each with a list of multiple choice answers. I suppose these are designed to help these bored social worker people decide whether or not their applicants are decent parent material. I realized partway through that my english-major defence mechanism was on high alert as I kept complaining that most of the adjectives they were supplying for each question were ambiguous at best because experience is relative. Anyway, it got me thinking about my upbringing and my childhood. One of the questions regarded traumatic experiences and that set off my ‘relativity’ rant again but I settled with ‘no’ because I was not beaten, tortured or otherwise abused by my parents or guardians while I was growing up – at least not that I remember with much clarity – from what I recall, my mother took anything of that sort that was meant for me. (See, something that my child-self would regard as traumatic is entirely different than what an adult-self would regard as traumatic – let alone a governmental branch who really has no idea who’s hand is scratching it’s ass at the best of times and really I feel like it’s none of their fucking business. I know why they ask and I respect their need to know, but at the same time – grr!)

2) Our plans for moving have been put on hold – even though they were already stalled because of the bizarre state of affairs in this city – AND because of our lack of communication on the subject, I won’t lie, because we’ve got think about this third person we’ve got coming to live with us.

3) Kiddo wants to bring her dog and J and I had our first argument about how things would be because I refused to be the one to end up looking after poochie – not to mention what the hell that’s going to do to my poor furry children.

4) The Whirlwind has quit. There is a distinct possibility that that means I may be offered her position. I have to figure out whether the screaming I hear inside is from the shock of her abrupt departure or if it’s because I really don’t want her job. Where more money is a good thing, and wow won’t ‘supervisor’ look good on the resume! I’m seriously not the kind to really give two shits about making money – which is basically what the job is. So is that a conflict of interest? Am I going to sink the ship, or what?

5) When The Whirlwind leaves, I will be left with three employees who are all returning to school come September. This means I will have to hire and train new people. I have never done this before. However, it has to happen soon because I cannot be the only one to keep that place running. But oh, oh I have so little faith in the work ethic of the masses anymore.

6) If I take the job, this definitely means putting off the MLIS. (Just when I’ve decided that that was something I really wanted to do, of course, thank you Murphy.)

7) If I do not take the job, chances are I will have The Dickhead from Vancouver arrive to hire and train the Whirlwind’s replacement. This means two things: I won’t be able to run things the way I want, and I will not be the one responsible for the big transactions, unless the new person is an asshole and passes the buck for the screwups. I sense a pro-con list coming on.

Anyway, today was rather productive. Groceries, rent, laundry, dishes, the reorganizations of the hall closet (including the hunting for and purchasing of a new shelf) and some garbage removal has been accomplished – but no meeting. One of the things that these social worker people have to do is meet with the people they’re supposed to be giving the kid to, and that was supposed to happen today, but due to some poor organization on J’s part that has to be moved to Tuesday – which may or may not require my presence. I wish I knew. I believe I will assume that they will require my presence.

I have a terrible caffeine headache – though I think it’s being exacerbated by my current mind frame – and it’s making the left side of my face throb in a most unpleasant manner. I think I’m going to go shower in an attempt to loosen the giant knots I seem to have developed in my neck and shoulders.

listening to: Banco de Gaia – How Much Reality Can You Take?
eating: Brie and crackers, Chicken Caesar salad
reading: The Cinnamon Peeler – Michael Ondaatje
find of the day: Inferno (Dante Alighieri)
phrase of the day: ‘oh sod it’
feeling: fukkity fukkity fuck fuck
headspace: there’s been a cave-in