Well, Geocites is being odd, and everywhere else seems to be having server problems this week, so I am going to stop while I have not yet smashed a fist through my monitor out of sheer frustration.
I have a lot of things on my mind.
Not the least of which is Nomes over there in Vancouver feeling who-knows-what. I miss having even her blog to update me a little. It makes me a little more worried that usual. I know she’ll be ok though. It’ll just take some time.
John got some bad news about his Dad today and I fear he’s feeling a little more mortal than usual. Cancer of any form is no laughing matter. especially when both parents have had some form of it or another.
And then D, my cousin, who has three beautiful children here on the island and he can’t see them very often because he lives in Calgary and their mother is a knife-weilding psycho bitch. Yes. She threatened him with a knife in front of the kids once so he decided that he’d not tempt fate and made himself scarce. It kills him inside to be so far away. I can hear it in his voice when he talks about them. I swear though, the instant that I find out that bitch has abused any one of those beautiful kids I’ll go straight to social services so that D can have them back. Of course, mom’s day we only got half the story. *sigh. Nothing is ever easy.
I wish sometimes that I could just take other people’s pain and worry inside myself and make it into this little gem-like egg and then be able to put it on a shelf somewhere to collect dust. Then the people I love wouldn’t have to hurt anymore. Oh…*tears*…I wish I could do that.
And then I have this stupid fat useless piece of flesh we call a room mate to deal with. Loser. He is a loser. He accomplishes nothing and talks big. I know he’s stuck in an emotional hole of greater depths than I can imagine, but he’s entirely capable of hauling his ass out of it if he really had the desire to. I have a hard time having any sort of respect for someone who doesn’t even try. The argument about him leaving has been put off again, but I think that it can be avoided by us just moving out. It’s a word-battle that will go nowhere.
And then… Martin. I used to like that name. Kinda ruined for me now if you know what I mean. I wrote him a letter today and I’m not entirely sure I’ll send the whole thing. It sounds kind of bitter in more places than it needs to. I am a little bitter still. Angry mostly. Angry at him for being such a dork about everything. Angry because I can’t remember that little girls name. The one he threw down the stairs when… you know. Angry at him for wanting to talk to me when I have no desire to even remember him. That’s kind of escapist of me isn’t it? Oh well. I have no desire to forget completely, I just want the ache and the anger to go away, but I’m sure it will take longer than a year. Almost a year now. Strange thing is, I don’t think I’d be where I am now if it hadn’t happened.
Not sure what to think of that…