So I have been doing a little trip down memory lane. My recent push to get myself to write every day has been a little more successful than previous attempts for the simple fact that I’m determined, or too stubborn to give in to the black dog, if you know what I mean. (Raaaawr!) He wins three days out of seven still, but my notebook isn’t as empty as it has been for the past… four years or so. (I apparently wrote more than I thought in 2010!) So my continual reminding myself to write even though it may be garbage is helping. One has to keep the writing muscles limber so that when the muse actually hits, everything flows. There’s more crap than anything else these days and that makes it harder to keep going, but I’m still working on it one step at a time. One. Step. At. A. Time.
Anyway, the main reason for my spelunking through my old notebooks was the fact that it’s almost NaNoWriMo season again and I have an idea for what I am going to write this year. It comes from a scene I wrote originally in 2000 and then expanded in 2007 and then had a dream about two years ago where I wrote another scene and realised it was from the same story. So today I am skimming through my notebooks looking for other bits I can include or may include and then setting to work on outlining the basic plot. I’ve discovered that I can’t outline too hard or I squash my creativity a bit and then it becomes a slog rather than an adventure. This will be the first year that I haven’t either “pantsed” it (flew by the seat of my pants, that is), or written in the frame of a current WIP. I’m hoping to have something a little more polished this year – at least more polished than the years I pantsed it. So wish me luck!
drinking: iced tea
eating: red peppers and cucumber
reading: Throne of Glass – Sarah J Maas
Listening to: Apparat – Holdon
watching: Criminal Minds
Apartment hunting is only slightly less demoralizing than job hunting – and even then not by much. There’s something about being judged by your first impression – especially when you’re nervous. *sigh* I can only hope that something good comes my way soon.
In other news, it seems that my newest employee got his ass fired by MY boss this last week. Little twat did not make the Khali happy. Not. One. Bit. I hear from the grapevine – being the Fiery One, that there are interviews lined up for me on Monday. Fucking hell? I’m really starting to hate this. Stupid responsibility. Cripes.
I really don’t have much to report today. I’m feeling borderline homicidal and slightly antsy. I managed to write some on Nano, so I also, kind of, feel slightly accomplished. Watch me waffle.
I had a random thought when I woke up this morning, because I’d been talking about churches with someone earlier:
The only thing God will be interested in on Judgement day is what is in men’s hearts, not which interpretation of a book (which was not written by god, nor his prophet) that they may believe in.
listening to: UNKLE – Rabbit in your Headlights
Nano word count: 8799/50000
apartment hunting status: ACK
eating: Caesar salad
drinking: pepsi and wishing for malibu
I’ve actually had an idea about my Nano. It’s not original (not for me at least) but it’s getting me back into writing about the characters in el novel.
listening to: Kate Bush – King of the Mountain
reading: Njal’s Saga
Nanowrimo word count: 6230/50000
eating: cinnamon buns mmm
feeling: relaxed… I like vacations
headspace: the future
Someone suggested that I just write whatever came to mind, you know, a stream of consciousness thing, in order to get all the crap out of my head. Maybe loosen up the writing muscles. So I did. I really didn’t expect 4 pages of crap in 11pt font, but there you go. I seem to have a lot in my brain… surprise, surprise.
After that I went for a walk to the beach. Lovely, lovely beach with the sun on the water, the smell of salt in my nose – gods it felt good. I lay down on one of the beached logs, closed my eyes and just listened for a while. The rush and hiss of the waves sucking at rocks, shaping the ridges of sand and tossing seaweed and flotsam up across the tide line. Endless. Relentless. Persistent. What stone can withstand water?
I’m slightly sunburned now, but I feel better. On my way back I happened on a garage sale where they were selling books for 25 cents. A dollar seventy-five later and I have the collected works of Allen Ginsberg 1947-1980, a medical dictionary of sorts, a selection of writings of Lucretius in hardcover, a copy of The Life of Pi by Yan Martel and three James Bond novels by the infamous Ian Fleming. They are 2-4 in the series but I could not resist, having seen all the movies repeatedly. Not bad for less than 2 dollars, I don’t think. I’m most excited about the Ginsberg since I’ve wanted a copy of the entirety of ‘Howl’ for some time that wasn’t e-text. And here it is – among all sorts of other gems the man produced, as crass as some of them are. Crass, I say that like it’s a bad thing. The man was breaking the rules of poetry and I can’t help admiring him for that.
Now I just have to find a decent copy of e.e. cummings and William Blake, among others.
Going to attempt some more writing perhaps… unless the phone rings again. *argh* I just wish I could remember where on earth I put the scribbles and notes for Dragonbreed. I suppose I had better ask St. Anthony for a hand, eh? He’s a sight better than Murphy all right.
listening to: Wasteland – Synaesthesia
eating: tortilla chips
word count: 2958 (and some of it is fiction!)
word of the day: catharsis
reading: Flesh and Spirit – Carol Berg (almost done!)
headspace: the eagle nebula
I scribbled some when I got home and out of the shower this eve… not much, but it felt good because the creative juices have been, uh, atrophied, lately.
While my head is certainly not clearer, I do feel a bit better. The job’s sunk in more or less, so barring any curve balls I think I can manage that for the time being. Of course, that just leaves the rest of my pile ‘o crap to deal with.
I think there are some things I’ve dealt with that I’d classify as harder than this, but perhaps that has less to do with the nature of the situation than the circumstances – if you know what I mean. There is reacting to a situation and then there is instigating one. Perhaps another place where my lack of ballsy assertive behaviour could be a failure. Either way, things have to be said and I’m finding it hard to say them.
But never fear, I am nothing if not stubborn. Steadfast, persistent, determined, bullheaded, tenacious, obstinate, wilful etc. All the positive and negative connotations, I’m sure. We’ll see how this bullheaded Bull gets through this one, eh?
listening to: Atom Bomb – Fluke
reading: Tideline – Elizabeth Bear
eating: chicken caesar salad
headspace: ars poetica
In terms of housework, I’ve had a wildly unproductive day.
However, in a fit of writers block I decided to drag out some of my old fiction to see if I couldn’t get the juices flowing again. There has been a little bit of verbiage thanks to that, but more importantly, there are ideas floating around in my brain now.
I found all the stuff I wrote for my university workshops and wow, I think I’ve got a wee bit out of practise, if you know what I mean. I remember sitting down two days before these short stories were due in rough draft and just writing them, start to finish and not looking at them until they were up for workshop. I miss the incentive I think. I’ve got lazy! (Ok, depressed, anxiety-ridden and lazy, but lazy just the same. Hey, the sun is shining, get your butt in gear girl!) So. I’m hoping that in the next little while I can get back into the swing a little – or rather start a new swing. Because there really hasn’t been much in the way of routine for writing recently. Actually there’s not been much in the way of routine at all recently and I think that might be part of my problem.
Back to the reams of fiction I’ve been sitting on for years: another of my pet sci-fi stories has come back to light and I’ve been having fun sinking my teeth into it. I may change my main character’s name, as the one she has right now is quite the mouthful, but then I might not, since she is quite… exotic, you might say. Here’s some of what I scribbled today:
“Don’t try and defend yourself. I’ve got a pretty clear idea what my kind is worth up here and it really isn’t a hell of a lot.” She snarled and stabbed one clawed finger at him in an effort not to bare her teeth. “If you’re not going to help me then I guess I’d better get off this chair and find someone who can,” she got up, knocking the chair over as she did so, her tail lashing about her legs. Luke didn’t move.
“You’re not even likely to find anyone who’d talk to you out there, let alone help you. You do realise this.” She glared at him with her yellow eyes, hating him for being right. Hating him because he was normal, because he held all the cards in the deck.
In other news, as you can see, I’ve been playing with my page. Have I mentioned that I love fractals? I was playing with the new banner picture, but I’m having issues getting it to look like how I see it in my head, so that’s not going up yet. Oh, and does anyone have any idea why the ‘alt’ command is not working with my html? Or does it work for you and my computer is just a retard?
listening to: Schiller – Fallen
eating: something pasta-y
drinking: iced tea
word count: 658
word of the day: heterozygous
feeling: more relaxed
headspace: 600 years in the future