US Election 2016: Trump’s win.

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I can’t say I’m shocked, because I’m not. I’m disappointed, but not shocked; after all Mr. Trump was nominated in the first place. A lot of us thought that was a pretty funny joke to start, but obviously he wasn’t in on it. And if that wasn’t insulting enough to my Canadian, feminist sensibilities, he ran against Hillary Clinton: a qualified, educated woman who has worked her whole life for the opportunity only to lose it to some business tycoon with a bad comb over and verbal diarrhea.

America, you voted in a black man for 8 years of sisyphean politics, in which he struggled to give you universal health care, to care take your environment and promote equality for people of any race, gender, creed or colour. He managed, even with a divided House to do some of the things he promised. He and his wife, both educated and eloquent speakers, made your northern neighbours feel that they had the best interests of their people at heart and worked to keep America classy.

And then you pull Trump out of the box; the antithesis of Barack in possibly every way. This is not to say that there are not things that Trump can accomplish for the states. I’m being generous here, because the man himself makes me want to vomit, but I was taught to look at every angle before making snap judgments. If he has half the business acumen he says he has, there is a chance he can boost the flagging American economy – but I fear for the people, the environment and international relations as he does so.

I am embarrassed for America, that your system is so broken that a man who threatens the peace and safety of more than half your population is the one who won -over a woman who was infinitely more qualified (and infinitely less likely to threaten to nuke a foreign diplomat over dinner) in spite of what she may or may not have done that no one can seem to definitively prove. (This shit reeks of the ‘birther’ movement during Obama’s election, so forgive me if I remain skeptical.) I am disappointed because so many people voted for him for uninformed reasons and gut reactions in regards to having a woman as president. I am disappointed because the electoral system didn’t really seem to reflect what many people actually wanted.

I knew, like everyone knew, that America has a racism problem. This is painfully evident with the rise of Black Lives Matter, with the distrust and hate directed towards Syrian refugees, and the general “terrorist’ rhetoric. (etc.) I also knew there was a sexism problem, since planned parenthood is still – incomprehensibly – a topic debated in government for example. Because Brock Turner barely got a slap on the wrist… I could go on. But what I didn’t realize was just how big the sexism issue was – even worse than the race issue. I can’t fathom either of these because I am fortunate enough to have been brought up in a country that (for the most part) values people for who they are and what they can do rather than how they fit in a dated world view based on physical attributes and unquestioned, ingrained attitudes.

Trump’s campaign did a lot of damage before he was even elected. Damage that even a loss wouldn’t have stomped out, which points to this particular festering problem in a huge way. He made it alright for people to be racist or sexist by being overtly so in the endless media coverage these last interminable months. While most of us non Americans see a petulant windbag spouting hurtful and demeaning language at every opportunity, many Americans saw a figurehead for the very things they’d been burying for the sake of public decency.

But this is no reason for Americans to flee to Canada. Stop breaking our Immigration website! (Yes, we need immigrants because we have too few professionals to replace our retiring workforce, but we can’t take you all!) In fact, it’s more important now more than ever to stay where you are. You need to work on loving each other and defeating this culture of division and hate on your home soil. This is the bravest and the best thing to do for yourself, for your children and your country.

Sexism, like racism comes from a place of fear. A lack of understanding of what is classified as ‘other’. We know what we know and we are comfortable with it, but when something comes along and throws that comfortable/familiar world view out of whack, it shatters the illusion that things are the way they’re supposed to be. The first instinctual reaction is fear. Much like if you discover a cockroach in your kitchen: you stomp on it. Over time, you learn that the cockroach is really only in your kitchen because he’s got nowhere else to go and he’s got to feed his kids the same as you.

Honest. Perhaps that’s a bad example, but it’s not wrong per se. I am not a cockroach any more than you are, dear reader, but fear is still ruling how people see each other, and more importantly, how people treat each other.

They are threatened by a faith they cannot understand and do not want to understand because it conflicts with their own. They are threatened by customs and traditions they do not understand. They fear being overtaken by the other, frightened that they will be consumed or destroyed by it. I sort of understand this as it’s the same reason we fear death – because we are terrified of obliteration.

But this implies that the proverbial other wants to obliterate in the first place, which is categorically only something that one does in what one perceives as self defence. A viscous catch-22.

So break it.

Take a deep breath and look at the other people around you. Stop and take a good look. Why do you hate them? Did they all suddenly decide they wanted your job in particular? Highly unlikely. Did they kill your dog or steal your wife/husband? (Steal is a stupid word, by the way, a person’s affections can’t be stolen, they’re given.) Did a Muslim or a Jew tell you that you were wrong about something you were categorically sure was true? Maybe you were right, but then again maybe he’s as entitled to his opinion as you are to yours. Why are you afraid of gay people? Do not assume that because they are the same gender and are gay that they are into you specifically – that’s pretty narcissistic. And even f they were what makes you think that saying ‘no’ wouldn’t be enough? (Oh wait, because you’ve been taught that no is just another form of yes for women, so when the table is turned it freaks you out, am I right?) Are you threatened by a woman being your boss? Why? What pain is it going to cause you to report to her if she is as intelligent and qualified as the job demands? Other than to your pride? Pride won’t put dinner on the table. (I know it sounds like I’m picking predominantly on white guys, but that was not intentional. I write out of my own experiences and cannot truly speak to the experiences of others. Most of the sexism I have experienced has come from a white guy. I know many are not sexist and I know that many poc are also very sexist. There are no hard hand fast lines or rules, which is the beauty of the human race – which is the point I’m trying to make. If you’re sensitive about ‘not all men’ then perhaps you need to do as this post suggests below. )

I have so many questions for misogynists and racists because I simply do not understand. I don’t understand because I have the privilege to get up in the morning and I go to work with people from many countries; men and women both. Many of them have different religions and not all of us agree on the same things. But we all draw on our different experiences and backgrounds to ensure a common goal is met. We use our differences instead of letting them turn us into a useless collection of people working at odds with each other. It’s a country in microcosm. How we treat each other has a ripple effect because we’re happy to go to work, which means we’re happy when we come home, which means we can enjoy our home time with our family, which means that our kids are happy because we are not fighting with each other which means our kids go to school happy and knowing that each person has something to contribute to a community regardless or because of their differences. You may not be able to change the whole country, but you can change yourself and I’m asking every last one of you to reevaluate your views of the people around you.

What stereotypes to you take for granted? Why do you do it? What language to you use to refer to people of colour or members of another religion, or even members of the opposite sex? What limitations do you automatically assume people have based on their appearance? Why? Become that four year old again and question everything. You are a product of your experiences and you are the only one who can make sense of them – and you are the only one who can change things for the better.

You’re right, this isn’t going to stop Trump right now, nor is it going to solve any of the underlying problems over night, but it’s important just the same. Important and achievable. If you won’t do it for you, do it for your kids because they deserve a better world than the one you’re living in right now.

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It’s tough being Canadian

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adventures in foreign exchange, beer, British Columbia, Canada is awesome, Canadiana, first world problems, funny, gamer girl, gaming, hometown, igloo mama, my pet moose, stereotypes, yes it starts to snow as soon as you hit the 49th parallel

Once upon a time I was called “repressed” for apologizing for bumping into someone on a bus. I felt pretty witty when I rebuffed the man by pointing out that what he mistook for repression was something called ‘manners’, a thing he was obviously unfamiliar with. He was understandably taken aback – having not imagined that a Canadian girl would actually talk back to him – but the incident got me thinking.

I have a lot of acquaintances and even friends all over North America because I am a gamer. I love mmorpgs, it’s a thing and I’m not sorry. What these games do is afford me the pleasure of meeting people all over the world. Less often do I get to play with European gamers, due mostly to time differences, and sometimes language barriers, but I have met many interesting people in my career as a gamer, in customer service to tourists, and as a traveller. One common thing I run across are the stereotypes Canadians are labelled with. “Nice” being one of them which amounts to the fact that we apologize for everything. Like I told the loudmouth tourist on the us that day: actually, no. It’s called manners. It’s getting a little rarer that people hold the door for the next person these days, but by and large we are a polite group of people. We had manners impressed on us by our parents: always treat your elders with respect. Let the old people get on the bus first so they get the good seats. Give up your seat for the elderly or infirm or that pregnant woman who’s so front heavy a breeze might tip her over. We pick up garbage on the street and toss it in the bins, we give change to the homeless guy or buy him a coffee when it’s cold. We apologize for bumping into each other because we’ve invaded each others’ personal space without invitation and that’s just polite.

See, these things go by another word too: consideration. I’d like to change that stereotype to ‘considerate’ – and honestly I’d like everyone to be considerate. Think how nice it feels when someone thanks you for what you’ve done or you’ve been offered a cool drink on a hot day, or invited inside to visit with a neighbour.  You’re far more likely to pay that good feeling forward, just like a smile passes from one passerby to the next and that just makes the day better in my opinion.

There’s nothing wrong with having manners and I think giggling about how ‘nice’ we are is a tad rude. But let’s move on to some of the other stereotypes and assumptions I’ve come across in my time. Some of them are completely true and others have come from a place of just plain old ignorance .

Our beer is stronger than our southern neighbour’s beer. This is true if you’re just looking at the alcohol % on the label, but technically not when you start talking about how that content is measured, but shhh that might start an argument!

Yes, Tim Horton’s is an institution and no we don’t want Bieber back.  Many of us say ‘eh’ but only in eastern Canada will you hear ‘aboot’ regularly. We spend Loonies in the grocery store and have to buy our booze in a liquor store. Most of us still identify with our ancestral origins and keep some of those traditions and many refer to themselves hyphenated Canadians. Our pride as a nation is solid, but our national identity is still diverse. Maple syrup, bacon and poutine are very Canadian, but you’ll not find a “traditional” Canadian meal without some ancestral influence. We can get our milk in bags. We have Peacekeepers instead of soldiers. Most of us have strapped on a pair of skates at least once in our life and most of us watch hockey. And though not all of us are rabid fans, everyone knows who the local team is and when hockey season is on. We don’t see social programs as communist agendas, mainly because we believe that every person has the right to the basics of life: shelter, medical care, food and education. You could probably chalk that up to our manners again: we care about the well being of our neighbours. Though many people own guns, it seems to be for a purpose rather than to merely own one. It’s not easy to get them and most people feel just fine having never seen one in their lives. They’re registered and locked away for a reason.

The number one question I get asked when I travel though is “is it cold there”? I blame the fact that our capital is in Ontario, where snow and ice storms abound in the winter. People think of Canada as that only, when it’s really a hugely diverse country, both climatically and ‘ethnically’. Some parts of Canada don’t get huge drifts of snow and no one certainly gets snow all year ’round. Related to this; Igloos. Yes, I have been asked countless times if I live in one. I’m not kidding. (This could get tiresome if I didn’t think it was so damn funny.) I live on Vancouver Island, which has two seasons. Wet and not wet. In the summer it gets hot enough to swim, so getting asked if I live in a house made of ice made me laugh outright the first few times. Then it kind of got annoying to answer with the truth every time and then have to explain that I live in an actual house. I started responding to the question with ‘yes’ and being terribly amused with the ensuing hilarity. “How do you stay warm?” “Do you have electricity?” In one forum I have the group completely convinced I live in an igloo, take a dog sled to work and have a pet Moose named Freda who comes to the kitchen window every morning for Tim Horton’s coffee. And the internet delights in perpetuating our more outlandish stereotypes. I will admit that I like it when people run with it like I have. I mean, why not?

But what’s really hard about being Canadian? When people assume we’re pushovers or doormats because we’re polite. Not so. Chris Hadfield anyone? Emily Carr, Margaret Atwood, Michaëlle Jean, James Doohan, Susan Musgrave, James Naismith, oh hell, just go have a look: here. You can be polite and still accomplish a great many amazing things.

We’re more than our stereotypes. We’re hardy, diverse, industrious and kind. We create, build, contribute, defend and support. Welcome to Canada.