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It’s raining again this morning. This late in May and we’re still getting rain – as much as I want to be wearing sandals all the time, I’m glad we have the rain. So far, there are no wildfires on the Island, but the interior has several, which is disheartening but not unexpected. You can’t go this long with less-than-average rainfall and not have some of them. But the Island is definitely living up to it’s temperate rainforest classification this month. Everything is so gloriously green outside my window and I love it. I also love when I step outside and I can smell the ocean. I may have had my morning coffee outside on the deck just listening to the rain and smelling the salt and ozone. Glorious.

I’ve been listening to Right Place, Wrong Person since it came out on May 24 and I’m still loving it. Rarely does an album come out that meets and then exceeds all my expectations. And it’s not because I’m a BTS ARMY that I love it. It has merit all it’s own, and speaks to Namjoon’s creative growth. Granted, the style is not for everyone, and if you were looking for a repeat of Indigo I can see why you may have been disappointed. This album is definitely not that. I’ve tried to steer away from other fan theories and reviews while I listen because I wanted to form my own thoughts on it. So here goes.

We received Come Back to Me first and I can see Namjoon’s questioning his choices in life, and the expectations placed on him by society. “What would my life be like if I made different decisions?” I know I wonder that a lot. Possibly a lot more after the twins, but I think it’s a universal question. (Or maybe it isn’t. Maybe there are people out there who don’t wonder.) Maybe in another timeline my babies were full term healthy babies. Maybe in another timeline I did make other decisions. Maybe in another timeline I was stronger or had more conviction in something. Maybe I became a Marine Biologist or a truck driver or…but who knows? In the video we see Namjoon as a husband, a man in conflict with his girlfriend, and a child of parents who have expectations or plans for him that he does not seem enthusiastic about. Then he finds the woman in the dress, who I think represents acceptance/part of himself. I love that this comes at the end of the album, because it feels like he’s accepted the choices he’s made, the pain and joy he’s experienced and realized that this is yet another branch on the path. Another spring. Another door. A new chapter of life.

Then we got the joy of LOST! I love this video so much. (I love the whole album and still cannot pick a favourite track.) I love the different versions of himself getting lost in the maze of his brain and all the little easter eggs and things scattered throughout. Every time I watch it I see something else. It feels just like the song intends for us to feel: just a bit lost and confused along with our title character. I especially love how the frame within which all the brain-adventures happen is a show where RM is in the limelight, performing like a puppet. Brilliant. He’s doing the thing that’s expected of him, but inside he’s really confused and lost.

In Groin Namjoon expresses his feelings in regards to fitting into the expectations and pressures put upon him by society and his role as leader of BTS. I love that the video is a pared down, on the street affair, complete with the adidas track suit and sass-filled dance moves. It reflects his roots as a rapper and I think his assertion that he’s “not a monk” and “not a diplomat” are key. When we got the video where Jimin listened for the first time, he also says he “just a regular 29 year old guy”. There’s been a lot of pressure on him to be the representative of BTS, to be perfect while in the limelight to the point where people were getting upset over him (and other members) for smoking. I cannot even fathom what growing up in the public eye like that is like. I’m exhausted just thinking about it. Put one foot wrong and all chaos erupts.

Domodachi feels a bit like “us against the world” in that he’s calling on his friends to dance together while he’s basically calling everyone else out on the bullshit getting tossed at him. The one friend leading the other through the chaos in the MV is the key to this one I think. He’s been lost, confused, angry, frustrated, but through it all he’s had people he can depend on. It’s not lost on me that there are also three languages in this track, that Little Sims speaks of loyalty, solidarity and the universality of friendship and that he turns back for that friend at the end.

This album was better than I expected. Namjoon stepped away from his RM, the leader of BTS role and just let himself be and express his thoughts and I think that’s important – and brave. It’s what art is for, after all. It feels like all of his previous stuff has come together and he’s broken out of the little boxes he’d poured himself into. It was like what my writing instructors always encouraged us to do: to find your voice. (And I haven’t even ranted about the other songs on the album! Please go listen!)

I think this album marks a turning point for Namjoon, both as an artist and as a human. (It feels like he’s finally fulfilled his desire expressed in Yun “I wanna be a human, before I do some art”). It’s hard sometimes to reconcile the person you need (or needed) or are expected to be with the person you are. The demands on your time and energy get easier to handle when you set boundaries and I think this may mark a position in the sand for him. He owes a lot to BTS (and vice versa) and loves his brothers, and there is no question that there will be more BTS content to come, but I feel that he’s not going to do it at the expense of his self or art and that is beautiful.

Listening to: see above
Reading: The Midnight Library – Matt Haig
Watching: Alchemy of Souls
Drinking: Arizona lemon iced tea
Word Count: 3499
Headspace: the maze in Namjoon’s brain